What Happened?

What the heck happened? Just the other day I merged onto US Route 4 after leaving Josh on the campus of Castleton State College to start his first semester at the college, teary eyed and dealing with many different emotions as I drove home. Today it’s almost two years later and I feel like I’ve fallen through a time warp. What happened to the last two years?

Many hours spent studying for certification exams, dealing with a host of issues around the house, lost inside vacillating between wanting this and wanting that (relative to many, many things) – yes, many time warps of many degrees. Or is it that age is playing a part in this?

I was driving home from work this evening and all of this hit me upside the head. It’s July 18 – a good part of the summer is already gone and yet I feel like I’ve just stepped into the heat. Maybe it’s the incredibly hot weather; maybe it’s lack of proper sleep (been tossing and turning a lot lately); or perhaps it’s just a midlife crisis (how long do those last anyway?).

Time is driving me crazy. I pump a lot into my days – I get to work before 7:30 am, I rarely take a lunch break, and I’m usually out of the office around 5 or 5:20. I cram a lot into those hours to take advantage of time as much as I can. But then after I get home I usually crash in front of the TV or find myself playing Forty Thieves solitaire or Angry Birds or Gardens of Time when I need to keep the mind exercised. Bit sometimes I get mentally exhausted trying to decide what to do next. I don’t always want to shut down because I like to keep engaged.

Problem is, a lot of the time I’m trying to determine what I really want out of life. I haven’t totally figured that out yet. And it seems like I’m running out of time. After all, I am 55. When does it become too late? Does it ever become too late?