I’m in one of those funky moods today. I’m going to blame some of it on “Glee” and the episode that aired last night. A rerun, the episode is the one where Kurt’s dad and Finn’s mom get married. I’m good until the actual wedding takes place and the cast belts out the song, “Marry You” and then “Just the Way You Are” during the reception – both songs by Bruno Mars.
Why the funk? Because I want to feel the kinds of feelings that those songs evoke.
Let’s talk about being fifty-four years old. Do something dumb like decide to get married on a whim? No way. I’ve lived long enough to know that there are consequences and major changes that occur when you get married or remarried. If you’ve got a dependent, you can lose your Head of Household tax filing status. If you’ve got credit card debt and you die, your spouse may become responsible for the debt depending on what state you live in and other circumstances that will determine if the spouse or the credit card company loses in the end. Health insurance, dental insurance, 401Ks, life insurance, mortgages, loans, etc. – everything becomes fuzzy and involved. I suppose if you’re widowed it’s one thing – but coming from the divorced side of things you tend to hesitate about doing it all over again.
But all of the above doesn’t stop the feeling of wanting to find that person that makes you feel like none of that will matter – all you want is that person in your life who makes you feel spontaneous and good and loved.
And then there’s “Just the Way You Are” and the yearning to have someone tell you all those things (even if you don’t really believe them).
“I’d never ask you to change.”
“She’s so beautiful and I tell her every day.”
As you age, honesty truly does becomes the best policy. Little white lies don’t cut it anymore – no matter how “little” or “white” the lie, it’s still a lie. Trust is a huge component of a relationship, and if it becomes broken, it’s hard to repair. So if your significant other suddenly starts saying things like Bruno Mars writes, you’re going to wonder what the heck is going on? Is he/she feeling guilty about something? Is he/she cheating on you? Is he/she starting to go crazy??? After all, you can’t be in a relationship where you bicker all the time or don’t really communicate and then all of a sudden there’s lovey-dovey stuff being said. It’s suspicious.
So wouldn’t it be great if a relationship not only started out with both people being thoughtful and complimentary, but if there was a continuing stream of being consciously thoughtful and endearing to each other?
Perhaps a divorce and an annulment have tainted my view of relationships. I admit to having trust issues after getting burned multiple times in just about every relationship I’ve ever been in. I admit that I am not having trouble with saying “I love you” but I do have an issue with saying “I’m in love with you.” After three years into a relationship, shouldn’t I have already gotten over things and moved on? Why is it so hard to do that?
I know I’m probably too old for this, but I would really like to feel that giddy sort of love that makes you tingle every time you see the person you love – the kind of love where you can’t wait to see him at the end of the day and fall into his arms and just be held, feeling the warmth of his body against yours and knowing that you’ll never need anyone else in your life.
I throw all of this out in cyberspace and don’t expect a response. Sometimes it helps to just put a voice to the thoughts.